Keurig and My Third Boob

I love my Keurig. I would marry it if it would take out the trash.

But.
But it's not Pulling It's Weight around here of late.

There is weak coffee. Half-filled cups of coffee. Not very hot coffee.
And a very annoying message on the screen screaming "DE-SCALE" in a hugely passive-aggressive way.

This afternoon, while doing 45 other things, I went to make a 6th cup of coffee.
Don't judge me.
I pressed the button. Nothing came out.

Ack!

Keurig is on strike! Must to quickly DE-SCALE!

There is nothing quick about this process. It requires standing in front of said machine for an hour, pressing the button for cup after cup of hot water.
Difficult? No.
Time consuming and mind-numbing? Hell, yes.

I reached for the handy dandy trusty bottle of vinegar kept on hand for just such occasions...and it wasn't there.

What was there, however, was C.L.R.
And y'all, I needed a cup of coffee BADLY.

So I dumped in a Bit O' CLR, and ran the machine through 5 changes of water.

I think I can still taste it.

But this is possibly because I stood at the machine for an hour while water boiled through it, right?

I googled side effects of ingesting CLR with coffee.
Couldn't find anything definitive.

So I'm waiting to see if I will grow a third boob, or a second head.
'Cause that's what I need, more maintenance.
Maybe it'll just be gas with oily discharge. (Hello, Alli! Lovely commercial!)

p.s. I get BIG POINTS for not using The Big Guy as a guinea pig.
Though I probably LOSE points because he wasn't home to try it out on. And I totally would have.