Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The day JAWS came to visit

This year, BOTH of my kids are lobstering with The Big Guy.

It took me a few days to find my groove, what with all three of them gone for a twelve hour day, but I find that if I tune the TV to the cartoon channel really loud, and go about the day yelling at them to put toys and clothes away as if they were actually there, I can breathe.

 I was pretty sure I could remain in this happy state of denial until the fall, when the weather gets too rough for them to be out there with him. (Unfortunately for him, The Big Guy still has to go.)

My happy little state of denial was shattered this morning, with a call from a kid exclaiming "We just saw the biggest, most ginormous fish ever! It was bigger than our truck! It was as big as the boat! It was huge!"

yeah...OK. Does Dad know you took his phone? Are you hiding down forward?? Are there chemicals down there you shouldn't be near??

NO SERIOUSLY MOM IT WAS A HUGE GINORMOUS FISH!

OK, Honey. How is it out there today? Any big swells? No?? Hello?? OK, go catch lots of lobsters. BYEEE!!

And a few minutes later, I heard another fisherman call The Big Guy on the radio. I heard him ask about a huge fish he just saw near his boat. I heard him say 'blah blah blah SHARK blah, blah'.

   Bladder: 2, Marissa: 0

There was some discussion about what kind of SHARK it was. (Seriously, does it even matter, because, Hello? SHARK.)

One guy suggested that its 25 to 30 foot length made it sound like a 'whale shark', while another thought it could be a 'basking shark'.

JAWS is circling our boat. And my kids are on it.
I quickly debated the futility of shouldering our canoe and heading for the shore...but, really?
Easier to just have the heart attack in the comfort of my immaculate living room.

I googled instead.

It seems that neither shark has a penchant for noshing on children. They are filter feeders.
That knowledge did not make me feel warm and fuzzy.

I'm going with this one, because, while huge, it apparently doesn't eat kids.



I'm pretty sure either of my kids could totally fit in the mouth of this one. He could gum them. That might hurt.



Now if you'll excuse me, there is a glass of wine calling my name. (I get bonus points for waiting until after 5pm.)

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