Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Darndest Thing

I may have just experienced a miracle.

Or a Freak Of Nature. Actually, if it was a miracle, I'm entirely let down, and well, kind of peeved (nicer way of saying 'Highly Pissed Off'), because, well, you'll see.

Way back in January, I did something to my knee.
What I did was kneel on it, and my knee said something entirely unrepeatable in polite company and refused to work correctly for a few weeks.
This has everything to do with the size of my ass, and not much to do with the fortitude of said knee.

Poor thing hasn't been right since. There is creaking and groaning and crackling, and sometimes a little popping kind of sensation.
Being the Master of Denial (I live on a rock 8 miles out to sea, y'all, and hate boats), I found some extremely effective ways of dealing with these symptoms.

I crank up the ipod.
And I don't hear the noises.
This works well for cars, too, should you want to adopt my system.

Just a little bit ago, I stepped out of the shower.
Yes, I routinely shower around midnight.
And I slipped.
Somehow, I didn't break my neck. And Thank God and Al Gore* there were no cameras to document the sight.

And whaddaya know? My knee feels awesome.
There's no clicking!
No popping!
No pain!

Is it a miracle?
I'm going to go with Freak of Nature. Save the miracles for cures for Cancer and Diabetes, and Substance Abuse, where we really need them.

By the way, I can totally almost do a side split.
I know! I had no idea, either.

There is every chance that I will wake up in the morning with a leg that belongs on an elephant, black and blue clear to my hip, and completely unable to walk.
But for now...I rejoice!

*I'm so used to thanking God and Al Gore for the internet (because, you know, Al invented it and all) that I add Al in there all the time now. I know, it nauseates me as well. Need to break that habit, pronto.


  1. Well now ... seems you fixed yourself. I'd count that as one good miracle!

    Hope the fix stays for you, 'cause it sounds like getting off that island can be a bit of a task.

  2. You self-chiropracted your knee! Well done!

  3. Did the miracle last till morning?

  4. It's like going to the chiropractor or physical therapist but only once and for free!!!!!!

  5. Well it sure beats giving yourself a concussion by sneezing the week after you slip and hurt your knee (and then catching yourself on fire a few weeks later... yes 40 was a GOOD year!)

    There is an age/use related thing about knees (from somebody who had surgery there).

    Glad it's working for you though!

  6. That instantly reminded me of that scene in The Incredibles, when Mr. Incredible is fighting the robot and his back goes out. Well, he can't fight and he's clutching his back but then the robot grabs him and pulls and his back pops and he's like "Woohoooo!" Awesome.

  7. Okay, this cracks me up! LOL! It's so funny how things work sometimes. But man, you don't complain as long as "works" is in the equation.

    I can always tell when I'm putting on the weight, my right knee starts hurting when I use it. Such a tattletale it is.

  8. I love reading your blog. You never fail to make me smile. :-)

  9. Really funny, glad to see that the knee is better, side splits - I think if my old body did a side split someone would have to rush me to the hospital. After 50 - not as flexible as I used to be. Enjoy your good knee again.