The Birds and The Bees

This book was dropped off on my doorstep a couple of days ago.

As it was a children's book, and seemed way too young for my 8 and 10 year olds,  I skimmed through it.

Then I fainted, revived, and fainted again.

I'll share a few highlights:




Please note the 'aged hippie' look of the father in the cover photo. Let's just lay all the blame there, shall we?


Moving on, here's where I fainted the first time.



They're just so obscenely proud of it, you know? Why is that?



I'm sure I have a comment about how once again, male genitalia are portrayed vs. female genitalia, and how women's bodies are shameful while men's are glorified, but I'm blushing violently and cannot vocalize it properly. Pass the smelling salts, I think I'm going down again!


But, wait!
Here's the BEST PART!

And from the book, I quote:
     Here are some ways Mommies and Daddies fit together:


Is that a frickin' skateboard?????




Ahem, there was this one time...we were having difficulty conceiving, and Linda The Marvelous Midwife said......
But NO. They have a BALL in play. Definitely NOT LIKE THAT.



Hello! Balloons!!
Points for the illustrator of this one. Check out her glorious smile...and HIS face.
Not sure the kids would pick up on that statement, but if I were a different person, I'd hang this on my living room wall, with the caption 'It ain't all about YOU!'...but, NO.
(Maybe in the Post Office???)
Also...I will never look at a balloon the same again.

And this one has me completely befuddled. And a little scared.
I am no longer sure which one is the Mommy and which is the Daddy. And frankly I'm a bit worried abut that handle placement.


Is that a Hippity-Hop????

I'm off to call the Big Guy. He's got some 'splaining to do.